failure: my four-letter word

over the last few months, i have watched someone succeed so unbelievably where i (in my opinion) had failed so miserably... i see that person doing the things i wish i had done, and being the person i wish i had been in the same circumstances... it's very easy, now, to look back and see how i could have changed my experience, but in the moment, i was weary and overwhelmed, unprepared and uncertain... all excuses, i tell myself, for this person must have felt the same as i did, but just acted differently towards their experience...

failure is just another lesson learned... a mistake made that we will hopefully not repeat... the only problem with failure is that we, ourselves, thrust the knife so deep into our heart that we open a wound big enough for us to pour salt in freely, every day of our life... and the skin becomes sensitive around that wound, so that when someone else comes too close to us, we yell and scream at them for hurting us... only because we need a break from the self-blame for a moment... and sometimes, seeing someone thrive where we failed smarts that old wound... for though the blood may be dry and the wound may have healed, the scar has not let us forget about the pain of failure...

forgiveness has been said to be divine, and it is... but forgiveness towards whom? for if we do not forgive ourselves first, who else, then, will we truly be able to forgive? we must first forgive ourselves for thrusting the knife in so deep - only then will we be able to see the truth... that mistakes were meant to be made, failures were meant to help us grow, wounds were meant to heal, and we were meant to move on, move forward... and the core of that truth is - there are no failures, just experiences...

so, for all the things i wanted to do but didn't, all the expectations i wanted to meet but couldn't, and all the experiences i wish i had created but hadn't... here is what i have learned:

I Forgive Myself.

United Divas Diva of the Month!

United Divas, a website dedicated to empowering women to be artistic leaders, professionals, innovators, and role models, has honoured me as March/April's Diva of the Month!!!

I am so excited about it - thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity, Jan and the team at United Divas! You all made my month - well, two months (March and April)!

Be sure to check me out and support their wonderful endeavours!

a smile found

It isn't every day that someone tells you that you were brought into their life by the grace of God. It isn't every day that someone says your presence made an indescribable impact on their life. No, it isn't every day that someone finds their smile, their hope, and a desire to pay it forward because of you.

It isn't every day that you can take a person's life and sprinkle magic into it just by granting their wish. And what is a wish, anyway? Winnie the Pooh said 'A wish is a dream your heart makes'. So can we make a heart's dream come true? And if we can, will we? And if we will, when? And why not now?

I don't remember why I joined the Make a Wish Foundation, but one day I decided to stop talking and just do it. I was assigned a family where the parents only spoke Hindi. Woohoo, I speak Hindi - let's go! I met our wish child and told her she could have any wish in the whole world - anything!

Her wish? To decorate her parents' room because they had no furniture so they slept on the floor. Wow... There are not many people who are selfless, and even fewer who would give up the pyramids in Egypt for their parents' comfort. But that was her wish. We pushed and convinced her to switch rooms with her parents and have her own new room decorated instead, and she finally agreed - though reluctantly. This was the kickoff to my first wish, and I already had tears in my eyes!

I won't go through the endless months of details, but in the end, we granted her wish, and so much more. More importantly, though, she gave me the best gift of all in return for ours - her smile... her laugh. I could see her road ahead, and it was recovery... it was life.

Today, her mother thanked me. It isn't every day that someone tells you that you brought something into their life that they wouldn't have been able to bring into their own. No, it isn't every day that someone looks into your eyes with newfound hope, and tells you that you are a gift from God.

No, it isn't every day. But it was today.